


Pistoria

by peppermintz



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintz/pseuds/peppermintz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because wicked curves and guns and psychotic tendencies turn you on, don’t they?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pistoria

**Author's Note:**

> My friend Abby prompted me: "What about Missy and River making Christmas cookies together in the TARDIS kitchen... and the Doctor has no clue until he smells them baking." Of course, I couldn't turn down a chance to finally write some Twissong. (Which turned into mostly Missong, but, you know.)

"Sweetie, I don’t want to offend you — "

"Then  _don’t,_ " snapped Missy, holding the spatula out of River’s reach. "You’ve all the patience of an overexcited poodle; what would you know about  _baking_  that I don’t?”

"I pay attention to instructions," River said smoothly, snatching Missy’s wrist and yanking the spatula from her. Missy snarled. "No wonder the Doctor can’t take you anywhere."

Missy grabbed the front of River’s dress and yanked her down a little to glare into her eyes. River smirked. “He’s worried I’ll be more  _fun_  than you. That I’ll be naughty — “

"Mm, I do hope so," River murmured, tilting her head forward to press a tiny kiss to the corner of Missy’s mouth. "He likes that too, you know."

A grin slid onto Missy’s face, mood changing instantly. “Do you wonder which one of us he likes better?”

"Oh, honey, you’ve got centuries on me." River kissed the woman’s lips this time. "So much history, so many secrets.

"But I’m nicer than you, let’s face it," River sighed. "And I thought I was his bad girl."

"Don’t sell yourself short, dearie." Missy chuckled. "You’re plenty bad enough for me, at least."

"Because wicked curves and guns and psychotic tendencies turn you on, don’t they?"

"My God, you have no idea." Missy dragged River down further for a proper kiss.

Missy always enjoyed kissing River Song. She enjoyed it a  _lot_. The girl was so unique and so  _interesting_  and a disgusting miracle as a human-plus. It was a bittersweet taste of petrichor and the time vortex and musk and something sickeningly sweet. It didn’t hurt that she was so mindbogglingly excellent at kissing, either.

"Forget the blasted biscuits, hm?" Missy breathed as she broke away to nip her way down River’s neck. River sighed and tipped her head back. "I’m sure there’s enough room on the counter — "

"No, dearest, there isn’t." She gently pushed Missy away. "I do have standards, you know."

"You finger yourself in prison when you’re bored," Missy snorted. "What standards are those?"

"Higher than yours, I’m sure."

Missy huffed in irritation and grabbed the spatula back, turning back to the bowl of dough. “Fine. You can go play kissy-face with your wrinkly owl of a husband while I do something so domestic, I’ll be sick all over the sprinkles.”

"And leave you out? I don’t think so." River pecked her on the cheek. "Besides, this is our little surprise for that insatiable sweet-tooth of his. He finally grew out of that babyface, but not the characteristics." 

"I’m still so upset I missed that version," Missy sighed, idly stirring the biscuit dough. "All cheekbones and hair; a little puppy instead of an owl. Probably less grumpy."

She stopped stirring for a moment, looking thoughtful. “Was he a little bit more — “

"Just half an inch longer," River said, unable to help a smirk. "He was so much noisier, though. The poor man nearly screamed every time he came. Also, I’m not saying he had a kink for knickers, but he had just a bit of a kink for knickers."

"Do you think he’d go for it this time around?" Missy’s eyes lit up at the possibilities. 

River hummed in thought, picking up the dough bowl this time. “I wouldn’t put bets on it, but I  _would_  throw out there that he’d still appreciate handcuffs.”

"Gracious,  _yes_ ,” Missy gasped in delight. “Here’s an idea: we have biscuits and tea — gotta have tea— and I make an extensive list of things we’ve yet to try on him.”

"Perhaps when he’s not so sober, hm?" River began dropping spoonfuls of dough on the baking sheets. "You know he goes red as roses every time we bring that up in normal conversation."

"Sodding child, he is," grumbled Missy. "He’d better appreciate these goddamn things."

"I’m sure he will, dear."

: ｡ ･ : * : ･ﾟ ’ ★ , ｡ ･ : * : ♪ ･ﾟ ’ ☆

It took the Doctor several minutes to locate the source of the suspiciously delicious scent of something baking wafting through the TARDIS — probably because there were too many kitchens. He couldn’t remember why he had more than one, but he couldn’t get rid of them, because there might have been something very important in the cupboards. Like specialty jams. 

When he  _did_  find the right kitchen, he really wish he hadn’t, because it was happening again. 

Missy was perched on the countertop, arms thrown around River’s neck as she kissed her. River was gripping Missy’s hair and the Doctor knew them well enough that it was River making those tiny whimpers and Missy was moaning. 

"Christ," the Doctor sighed, rubbing a hand across his eyes, "you could  _not_ for five seconds.” 

When he looked back up, they’d broken apart out of surprise. 

"Hello, darling!" Missy beamed after she’d caught the rest of her breath. "Did you feel left out? I’ll fix it." She hopped off the counter and went over to snatch the front of the Doctor’s jacket. Ignoring his protest, she pressed her lips firmly to his. 

"It was about time you found us, sweetie," River said cheerfully, opening the oven door to check on the biscuits while Missy sucked on the Doctor’s tongue. "Were you pestering the Old Girl again? She’ll switch the rooms around again if you keep it up." 

The Doctor managed to shove Missy away so he could respond, just as breathless as the other two had been a moment ago. “I was calibrating a new data-code,” he panted, glaring at Missy, who folded her hands behind her back and gave him the Innocent Eyes. “You could’ve helped me instead of wasting your time on snogging.”

"We were having very important bonding-time while making you biscuits, Doctor, and, frankly, I’m a little insulted," said Missy, pouting. 

“ _Extremely_ important bonding time,” River chimed in with a wink. “They’ll be finished in a moment, by the by. Care to join us for a tea party later, Doctor?”

"As long as it doesn’t involve more effing snogging."

"No promises," both the women informed him. 


End file.
